:D

HOHOHO. Know that i went missing ya? Now im back :) hehe. im happy with twj now!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD YEAH!!! Haha. Missing her. Hope she can end her work soon :) Waiting for her!~~~~~ :)
Im still trying to adapt to Millennia! Gotta work hard (think) ahahahahha. Trumpet's difficult but i'm not giving up! YEA:)

Hai. Never thought it'd be over like that. Really lost now and don't know what will become of me. Why don't i just get hit by a car or maybe fall off from a flight of stairs and hope i get a serious memory loss so i wont be that miserable, guilt-stricken anymore. I wanna escape from all these. I wanna run away. I cant face it - alone./ I don't know what to do. I've tried. I did not give up but what saddens me is that, it's no use. It's too late. Nothing's gonna be like what it used to ; Never. No matter how hard i try, it's just gonna remain like that. I don't wanna be friends, neither stranger. But i have no choice. It's either this or that;. Many things are beyond my control. But i tried holding back and changing my destiny. All i ask for is a chance. Maybe, i'm just short of opportunities. I'm aat a loss. Probably, the old xiuqian is gone. Never ever gonna be the same again. No happiness, just sadness. All these, i've been through too much. Too much to feel. Just numbness, unfeeling, cold-hearted. As i write and tear, i know very well how much i feel for you. I know it, deep down. No matter how much tears i've cried, facts are just gonna remain like that. But i know those tears have dried, but my heart will never. Goodbye.

I need a little more luck than a little bit. ):
O level results ok but sth is not ok. Haiz.
What can i do to show her that she can trust me again and show her that i really sincerely need her. i duno what to do. i cant contact her ): i know when one stop contacting another, feelings will fade. this is what i used to feel to. but now, different. it's no use. nothing's gonna stop my love for her. every moment seems to last forever when u have found that u lost ur way. she's my light, now that she's gone. i seem to live life aimlessly. parents wan me to study at Millenia Institue but i don wan. But, i dint object to it. hai. i cant sleep at night, always thinking about her. ughhhhhh.

Wah. Leg damn tired. ytd reach home midnight . then i slept at around 1 plus ? Ytd learn to do closing and menu. zzz. today joanne gonna test me. sia la. scared i take wrong order sia ): hmmm. really have been constantly missing and thinking about her. im really not ready to move on and i never will. i really need her. i sincerely need her forgiveness ):
nvm, later need go work at 6.30. zzz. today i do closing with joanne only ): sian.gotta go out at 5. bye :)

feeling sucky................... very very very.......... no words can describe what's my feeling now. ugh!!!!!!! f u bitch. my life is ruin just like that. because of you. it's soooooooooooooo not worth it lah!!!!!!!!! even my friends also think i stupid and suay. luckily not totally ruin. cbzxzxzxzxzxzxzxz. sia la. today work til so tired. Got to know new colleagues and all girls except for the barista. i broke a tall glass cup today. zzzz. today's pay is $10/hr :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD and i worked for 8 hours meansssssssssssssssssss i get................. 80 bucks for the day. woooooooooooo. but tmr not liao ): cos today is public holiday that's why double DDDDDDDDDD:

this isn't the ending i want.
though i've got control of my life,
but you're the remote.
im not happy with it.
really i am NOT HAPPY WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
suffering .suffering .suffering.
cb, i don wanna suffer but i'd rather suffer than to lose you right NOW!
i wont give up. i won t i wont i wont.

Have been walking down haji lane these few days to shop for christmas gift. ahhh, i told her what i bought for her ): Cos i got reason. if i don tell her, i scare things will not go smoothly :) so, ya lor D: Nvm lah :) Anw, ytd i went to Cineleisure to pei Xin Ying, then i remembered alottttttttttt of stuff, really. I rmb last year Christmas, that was the place i went with her-exactly the same place. It so happens this way. I also don't know why. And last year, she bought me a pair of shoes as gift but some fkinASSSSSSSSSSSSS stole it away!!!!!!!!!!!!! F siol. And so happen, i bought her gift this year :) i really missed those times. i really want it to be happening again and not become a part of memory. Hai. I really seriously, hate that FKINGGGGGGGGGG BITCH~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB.
Alright, i'm just venting out my frustrations.

Monday :D

Merry Christmas!
It's a good occasion to drink more. Have been drinking but wont HIGH leh. But today i drank CHOYA's Herb. Cb, fking HOT sia. My whole face red. My relatives were teasing me like "C'mon, dance for us!" Wah sia la. My whole body red sia. They all say i high le. Talk loudly and the voice change, really, man! Now when im typing this, my head keep swinging but im controlling. Ugh. The pulse in my head keeps pounding "prominently". I must drink more to increase my ability to hold liquor. I think i'll sleep later and wake up with a headache. Seriously, i feel high, no troubles, just feeling "hot" my ears, palm, feet superrrrrrrrr red. Dint know CHOYA; plum liquor could have such a HUGE impact. Probably the one that i've drank the past weeks was mild. This time -- Hot ah!!!!!!!!!! Nice party today with LOG cake :) Heh. Gotta go wash up. Merry Christmas! :D

I love you.
I won't give up as long as i believe i stand a chance.